i see you in lakes

if only you were face to face with me at this very moment.
instead,
we’re distant bodies counting scars.

i love you
& i want you to love me just a much
i saw your beating heart
& i treasured it.

we were by the lake
& i just wanted to hold you through the waves.

actually,
whenever we’re
eye to eye,
lakeside,
there’s something so sweet i find in you.

the tides bring rest to you
& all the while,
i find myself
tossed & turned by you –

to be disembodied.

i’m weary,
because,
i’ve never wanted serendipity to slip away from us.

but fear
came & grabbed my convinced limbs.
i wanted you to grab me,
when you saw me waywardly.

perhaps you were more concerned
with figuring out what your touch
could do for you.
i cannot blame you
for the exploration –
life is short & love is fleeting.

i stand here alone with a stubborn spirit & tangible loss –
what is it to be disembodied?

in feeling removed from you,
i feel removed
from a vital part of myself.
the numbness has
left me wholly removed
from my own humanity –
i only feel sickly.

i miss your skin,
what it was like
to see,
savor & perhaps
touch your precious skin.

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