i see you in lakes

if only you were face to face with me at this very moment.
instead,
we’re distant bodies counting scars.

i love you
& i want you to love me just a much
i saw your beating heart
& i treasured it.

we were by the lake
& i just wanted to hold you through the waves.

actually,
whenever we’re
eye to eye,
lakeside,
there’s something so sweet i find in you.

the tides bring rest to you
& all the while,
i find myself
tossed & turned by you –

to be disembodied.

i’m weary,
because,
i’ve never wanted serendipity to slip away from us.

but fear
came & grabbed my convinced limbs.
i wanted you to grab me,
when you saw me waywardly.

perhaps you were more concerned
with figuring out what your touch
could do for you.
i cannot blame you
for the exploration –
life is short & love is fleeting.

i stand here alone with a stubborn spirit & tangible loss –
what is it to be disembodied?

in feeling removed from you,
i feel removed
from a vital part of myself.
the numbness has
left me wholly removed
from my own humanity –
i only feel sickly.

i miss your skin,
what it was like
to see,
savor & perhaps
touch your precious skin.

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drunken babbler prayer

here i am,
drunken babbler,
with a prayer –
i want love to come over me in this life i live.
i never intended to do no harm or hurt nobody,
lord.

i’m shackled to regret
& it’s been months
i been sittin’ here depressed.
feelin’ as hollow
as a empty jug container –
fill me up lord.

i’m tired & temperamental now.

i just want a swig of that hope you been passin’
’round here,
lord.

i see smilin’ faces right ’round me
& this bottle of hennessy ain’t did nothin’
to help me get what they done got –

i’m just dizzy drownin’ in the doubts.

just give me a chance to be yours,
good lord.
promise i’s take all the right steps towards you,
if you guide me.

see, once i lay this here bottle down,
i lay my life down wit’it.
i’m jus askin for rest,
sweet lord – i don’t wanna be weary no more.

& as you raise up,
bring me with ya.

today,
i wanna take wings
up one of them angels up there
& fly away from here.

amen.

-rjmy

in loving memory

roses are red, murder is crimson.
so, when i lose this life,
bury me with a dozen.
show me you love me,
just this once.
place them delicately over my heart,
so i know it’s real.

for all these years, i lived in your cages.
shackled by your vices.
but that wasn’t enough – you needed the visual,
so you knew it was real.
four walls surrounded me as i went without shelter.

four years went by,
& all the tears i shed became tattoos.
freedom was taboo, so i took a little bit from each
& everyone i saw with some.
then i saw it for what it was –
being released into the dream was the real danger.

-rjmy